Out of the Mount: “On Being a Priest”

Out of the Mount.

The opening lines from “On Being a Priest” by Eric & Mary Emma Heaps:

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(On the El in Chicago. A CATHOLIC PRIEST enters, and sits down next to a MORMON PRIEST. The CATHOLIC  PRIEST accidentally drops his Bible.)

CATHOLIC. Oh, excuse me.

MORMON. No problem.

(The boy hands it back.)

MORMON. Good reading material.


MORMON. Where are you at?


MORMON. I’m in 1 Peter. Where are you?

CATHOLIC. Oh, Revelation.

MORMON (Inhaling sharply). Whoo. Can’t wait till I get there.

CATHOLIC. Nothing stopping you from reading it now.

MORMON. Well, I’m just—it’s just, I’m reading it as part of—for seminary.

CATHOLIC. Seminary? Aren’t you a little young for seminary?

MORMON. Well, in my church we have it for four years, from, like, fourteen to eighteen.

CATHOLIC. You graduate at eighteen?


CATHOLIC. Then do you become a priest?

MORMON. No, I’m already a priest.

CATHOLIC. Well, I wish it had been that simple for me.

Read the whole thing
in Out of the Mount,
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